please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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