Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
