Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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