areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
