just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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