College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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