i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
