508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
