he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
