I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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