I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
