They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
