so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
