So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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