he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
