Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
