Just fell off a train. Bad.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
