When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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