wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
