this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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