i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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