So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you had me at cake vodka
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
