Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
