I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
