You work out of a Hotel?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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