Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
