u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
