The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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