Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
