I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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