So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
