a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
