It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
