How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
