there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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