i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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