oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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