plz talk dirty to me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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