Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize