Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
