I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Randomize
