Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
