3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
