Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
