I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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