I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
