I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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