I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
