My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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