In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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