I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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