i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
