I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
