grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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