Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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