I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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