At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
