My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
