we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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