Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
