absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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