i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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