Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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