He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
