She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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