College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
