His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We just shotgunned beers for America
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
